When I was 17, it was 1981. At home pregnancy tests were not well known, but I knew I was pregnant before he drove me to the doctor.
We’d discussed what I would do if this should ever happen months ago under the moon. (It’s not as though we were oblivious to the fire we were playing with.) I remember sketching myself like some heroine in a forbidden love story where the pregnant girl runs away and raises the baby all by her magical self.
This day was real. More real than the romance — the long hours we hung on each other’s words, habits, and hips. More real than the us we were fancying ourselves to be.
The intercom announced my name and room number. Letting go of his hand, I made my way through the doors alone. But I didn’t feel alone anymore.
Walking down the hall, the air blows cold. Time ticks in slow motion, and I never want to forget this moment. Dreaming I’d share it with the one now sharing my body. Lies tied to my identity crisis roll off my back. In me grows a reason to rise, work, and become someone. I am giddy for the girl they would all file under: the-one-whose-life-was-over.
Test results drop the old doctor’s head. Falling back in his chair, he pulls off his wire frame glasses in disgust, “So what now, abortion?” He read my age, my marital status — what else would he guess? Gladly fostering my momentary father-figure, I blurt, No, I’m going to have this baby.
Fumbling on the table to keep covered under wafer-thin white paper, (the last barrier between me and this complete stranger) pregnancy pamphlets are handed out. Like a diploma in my hand, I feel free to do my part in making the world a better place. I will run away from home and join the circus called Motherhood.
He welcomed my re-entrance with a smile. This was an affordable cost for a boy this bold, and we were both game to trade in our families.
Abortion was readily available and on the lips of worried adults around us.
TWO HEARTS CAN COLLIDE IN ONE CHEST
January is Sanctity of Human Life Month. When we get the privilege of showing our love for women facing unexpected pregnancies and rescuing preborn babies from abortion.
From 2005 – 2013 I was a Pregnancy Resource Advocate. I sat with many women (and some men) wrestling with the question of abortion.
We learned in training, The most important person in the counseling room is the mother. But in my mind, two lives were always on the line. Reducing the unborn was never an option. Neither was minimizing the fears of a scared, unprepared mother.
Almost every decision for abortion spun from fear. And who could blame her? A parent’s reputation, a boyfriend’s intimidation. She’s vulnerable. Exposed. Carrying the weight of everyone’s shame. And the slightest bit of pressure sounds like now or never: It’s my life or theirs. I have to choose. I’m still in school, I don’t have a single penny to my unmarried name. Where will I live if my parents throw me out? How will I survive tied to this guy? If I don’t decide today, my life could be over tomorrow.
And the stories of pain go deeper and darker.
Two hearts can collide in one chest.
And if these facts aren’t brutal enough — our precious girls are led to believe abortion is more merciful than adoption.
She feels frantic. Panicked. Like she has no other choice.
Post abortive women lose sleep, lose jobs, lose relationships — sometimes quit their own life without ever understanding why — when the bullet of that day never goes away.
WE NEED TO PUT OUR SWORDS AWAY
In a nation where we have so many more ways to have a say, it’s easy to ignore the millions who never made a sound. Never given so much as a name.
I’m For-life. Every life. The ones in and out of the womb.
It is possible to care about everyone. Jesus says we don’t have to pick sides when we trust the Giver of Eternal Life.
When the disciples want to clobber chief priests and officers coming to arrest Jesus, Jesus says something that clashes with their fears — clashes with our carnal response to danger. “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword. Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then should the scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?”
Do we think God cannot deliver from desperate circumstances?
Are we suggesting God could not stop one more abortion from happening?
Do we suppose God won’t end injustice from ever occurring again?
He will — when all His work is fulfilled.
The disciples knew their part in God’s grand fulfillment. They needed to live obedient and alert, filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, abiding in His love and teaching others to do the same — making disciples across the nations.
With all the hard, cruel, unjust happenings of our day we need to put our swords away.
Obey the Sacrifice who pardons our transgressions.
Hear giant words Jesus spoke to his disciples in preparation of His death: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be trouble; you believe in God, believe in Me.”
The devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour — and if we’re not paying attention to the Lord we want to follow — Satan will surely use us to tear each other in pieces.